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  • Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness. -

    Three men had a very late night drinking Guiness.

    They left in the early morning hours and each went to their home. The next day, they all met for an early pint, and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.

    The first guy claims that he was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”

    The second guy said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped it around the first tree I saw. And I don’t even have insurance!”

    The third guy proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my wife, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

    The room was silent for a moment.

    Then, the first guy spoke out again, "Listen, guys, I don’t think you understand…

    Chunks is my dog."

    submitted by /u/DooleyMTV
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  • I have a friend who has sex 3-4 times a week. Works out every day. And reads at least two books a week. -

    But all this guy ever does is complain about prison.

    submitted by /u/docvoit
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